Confession

I went for confession last Sunday. I had gone for Mass early just so as to do a proper confession in the tranquil stillness of the church.

With my trusty notebook in hand, I approached the confessional with much anxiety and trepidation. It is never easy examining one's conscience, let alone telling it to another. The priest was an elderly man who spoke slowly and gently. He reminded me so much of a dad listening to his wayward daughter; compassionate, guiding and accepting.

Of the seven sacraments, it had taken me a little longer to grasp the fullness of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Theoretically, I knew it as a sacrament that embodies God's unconditional forgiveness and mercy. In my finite thinking, I had also wondered if we could just confess our sins directly to God since He is our Father?

On the most basic level, yes we can. In fact, we should confess our sins to God personally and only He has the power to forgive us. But Confession has been instituted as a gift from God that allows us to not only confess our sins to an ordained priest, but to receive the assurance of God's forgiveness and spiritual guidance.....faith comes by hearing, and by hearing the word of God. ....faith comes by hearing, and by hearing the word of God.

Like the last piece of a puzzle clicking in, I finally saw the beauty of God's grace as He had intended when the priest told me kindly that he was the instrument of God, the voice of Christ speaking through him to comfort and strengthen me.

In that confessional booth, I met Christ and received absolution from Him.

Gobama!

I woke up at 5.30am today to the alarm on my mobile phone. As I tried to disable the beep, I noticed an unread message that had come in at 1.39am.

Instinctively, the sympathetic nervous system kicked in. The adrenaline and psychological mechanisms started to brace the body for a fight or flight response. The muscles tensed, the heart beat faster, the breathing and perspiration increased and the eyes dilated all because of an innocent-looking icon of a sealed envelope illuminated on my phone......waiting to be opened.

Not one to savour suspense, I immediately pressed the 'read' key and came upon a message that consisted only one word and ended with an exclamation mark. "Gobama!" Talk about anti-climax.... although I had a fleeting thought of grilling the sender at a more earthly hour later, I could hardly resist smiling into my phone.

The sender was none other than my long-time friend and good brother, Pat Palazzolo. An ex-colleague who has become a firm family friend and confidante, Pat is an airline captain based in San Francisco. He must have sent the message at 9.39am (SFO time) when President Obama was inaugurated as the next Commander-in-Chief.

I know how Pat feels about Obama. I know how my other American friends feel about Obama. I know how the world feels about Obama. His inaugural speech after being sworn in as the 44th US president, was a sobering assessment where America stands and a vision of what it can become.

"Today, I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time," President Obama told a crowd estimated at two million people, gathered on the National Mall in front of the Capitol. "But know this, America — they will be met."

What strong words of comfort from a charismatic leader in the face of uncertainties! Call it coincidence or divine orchestra, the recent US Airways crash into the frigid Hudson has given me a very powerful visual of America balancing precariously on the wings of a huge jet floating on the river.

It is a good visual because like Capt. Sullenberger, I believe President Obama will steer the country and in turn, the world safely onto dry land.

So help him, God. Indeed.

To cane or not to cane?

When I was a new mum still trying to make sense of diapering, feeding, burping and rocking my little infant, my aunt shared this edification with me. She said that children are a gift from God. We as parents never truly 'own' them; we are merely stewards of these little ones.

There are many definitions and areas of "stewardship" but the general one is of "the careful and responsible management of something entrusted to one's care". How do we ensure our children are brought up carefully and responsibly without spoiling them?

An article in Sunday Times (11 Jan 09) and AsiaOne.com (13 Jan 09) talks about caning children and whether it is "a good way to punish kids". It reports parents who resort to the cane and have reaped benefits from it. On the other end of the spectrum, there are many parents who do not believe in the cane.

A quote from the article:

"But the signs are that things are changing, as more parents shun caning for a more communicative way of disciplining. Nearly half of the parents polled by Sunday Times do not cane their children."

I have caned my child a sum total of 3 times. I remember them vividly because I do not favour the cane. I use it only when I really need to enforce a certain discipline after rationalisation, reinforcement, timeout and swatting his behind with my hand fail.

The first 2 times I caned him, I had prepared him for it and swatted his palm twice. Each time I caned him, I followed it up with a reconciliation and discussion on the issue of misbehaviour after the dust settled.

However, the third time happened two years ago when I lost my cool and gave him some huge red welts at his elbow area. That caning session left a deep impression on me. It made me realise how adults can lose control in the fit of fury and not be able to gauge the level of pain inflicted. At the risk of sounding like a wimp, it does hurt me to cane my child. My mother used to say that she felt the pain in her heart whenever she caned us but I never believed it. In my finite thinking as a child, I wondered how that was possible. Now I know better.

No parent wants to intentionally hurt his child. Some do it out of frustrations from life, some out of their own childhood experiences, some do it because they believe corporal punishment works and some do it at the spur of that heated moment.

But to whip out the cane for every misbehaviour can do more harm than good. The child ends up living in fear and thinking that violence is the way to go. What's worse is that he might grow immune to it and become more rebellious. I remember a secondary school mate who boasted that she could just stand there and withstand the cane until her mother collapsed in exhaustion.

Of course, there are parents on the other end who do not even reprimand their children. They adopt the "talk till you drop" method and basically give their children free reign in whatever they wish to do. We just have to flip the newspapers to find out how rambunctious and audacious some of our young are today.

My child attends an all-boy school. By all accounts, it is a great school. But we can't control whom he mixes with and the boys are really an assorted bunch - as varied as watercolours on a palette. My child now talks to me thus "When are we going swimming, sia?", "Mummy, my Chinese book's dog-eared, sia." or "This omelette's good, sia." Gosh! When did I become a "sia" and what on earth is a "sia"?? I later found out that it's a popular lingo among the boys these days.

I believe that when God makes you a steward, he will give you the grace to fulfil your duty. Discipline should be balanced and prayerful. Nothing works more than wonders than a parent praying continuously for his child.

I thank God my own mum is doing that for me everyday. She doesn't have to tell me. I know it in my heart.

Let Go....and Let God

God works in such mysterious and wonderful ways.

An old friend and I were just casually texting each other yesterday when I felt compelled to share a decade-old story that's been weighing on my shoulders the last few weeks. I did not expect any concrete advice or resolution except a listening ear......or rather, just some words of solace through my phone screen.

Instead, we kind of wandered into discussion about faith. From all likelihood, this friend of mine is the last person on earth I would expect a chat on spirituality. He's a great person and a good friend but he's still the last person on earth I would engage with in a spiritual tête-à-tête.

But God works in such mysterious and wonderful ways. In my down moments, He sent someone to remind me of His love and grace even if that someone is a little odd, given the circumstances!

Everyone has his own cross to bear but I believe the message for me here is to let go and let God.

Facebook

I've been busy with my Facebook account lately. Year end is a good time to catch up with ex-classmates, ex-colleagues and generally ex-whatever in life. This cool site has enabled me to find or be found by people whom I thought I'd lost touch with; even those who live in other continents now. The only people I've stubbornly refused to add are my current colleagues despite the fact that my whole organisation is in a frenzy with the Facebook fad. Why?

For starters, I find it a tad strange to be on a 'networking' portal with people whom I see everyday or interact with through email or phone on a daily, if not weekly basis. Secondly, what is it they say about not mixing business with pleasure? Some working relationships are better kept that way.......as a working relationship, that is. In other words, people who know what I have for lunch everyday will not be 'poked', 'hugged' or 'thrown gummy bears at' by me.

But this does not mean that I do not appreciate or treasure my colleagues. I do. I enjoy the teamwork and camaraderie at my workplace. Over the years, some of my colleagues have even become firm friends despite the differences in race and religion. It's just that I believe in keeping work and private lives separate.

I guess I'm a sentimental person. I want to fiercely guard my relationships and reminiscences with old friends and not dilute them with the present. It is amazing to be able to still connect people from 20 years ago and the ability to pick up from where we've left off is priceless.

Life is short and fraught with challenges. There are only 24 hours a day. Besides work, family and daily routines, how much time do we have left to touch base with people in our lives? There are some friends we keep in touch with regularly but to those whom we can't, there's always Facebook. And it's a great invention if used properly and wisely.