Add and Subtract (I mean......Delete)

I just deleted someone from my mobile phone. With a few tabs of the keypad, the person is gone from my contact list.....possibly forever if I don't ever reinstate her number. It had seemed so easy. But was it really?

In today's digital world, adding and deleting friends on Facebook, MySpace and other social websites are as routine as breathing and eating. Many relationships are reduced to a profile picture or a string of numbers. Gone are the days where friends would talk on the phone for hours, meet up over coffee or just generally hang out to build that relationship.

It was harder to 'un-friend' someone too. For closer friends, we had to physically and responsibly iron out the differences or risk the end of a relationship. Doing so sometimes turned the table around and the relationship became stronger. Today, a click of the mouse and the contact is gone. Some people won't even realise they've been deleted because they have hundreds and thousands of 'friends' anyway.

While the actual act of deleting this friend's contact seemed easy enough, the decision behind it wasn't. For a long time, I had agonised over whether she was a friend worth keeping. We had a good friendship and fantastic chemistry but things have happened to make me believe she was just a good-weather friend.

I hold no grudge against her because she has technically not done anything to hurt me. I just want to stay clear of people who inflate their egos at the expense of others. I guess I don't appreciate being on an emotional roller-coaster ride. I know I will not shun her if she calls or messages me but I will not be the one to initiate any communication henceforth.

Not one to forget friendships I've forged, I know I will always remember her. I guess I just needed a little reprieve from the feeling of not being appreciated. I'm not sure if I will ever 'add' her again .....but I know for now, she is deleted and shall remain in oblivion as far as my mobile phone contact list is concerned.

I Forgive

I started out this Lent with great human aspirations. I had an objective. I wanted to be selfless; I claimed to want to focus more on Christ and less on a person..... I had wanted to overcome a particularly tiresome situation through my own strength but in the end, I failed. I found myself doing exactly the things I set out NOT wanting to do.

But all is not lost. While I wallowed in my own faithlessness and despondency, I realised that in His own time, God made me see that through this situation, walls surrounding me were breaking away. I can finally tell myself that a deep disappointment I held against someone else at another time; in another place has been broken away. I can finally say I forgive.

How these 2 incidents and people involved in them are connected escapes me but I know this is God's way of saying He works in amazing ways. I feel free. Eight years is a long time to nurse a disappointment but the ability to forgive is extremely liberating!

This Lent, I learned that I can only do so much through my own efforts but with God's grace, nothing is impossible.

*A-CHOOZ!!*

I hate to be down with flu and cough. It's one of those things that make you so ineffective and a natural germ-carrier to be avoided at all costs.

I can recall with vivid clarity when the virus struck. It was the morning of 21st December (Monday) as I sat in my freezer-like office, I felt the nose getting clogged up and then it started to drip. I bought some over-the-counter cold tablets and thought self-medication would work. It didn't. The runny nose came on full force and I had to see a doctor a week later on 28th December (Monday). The medicines included cold tablets, cough mixture, phlegm-dissolving solution and antibiotics.

Although not completely well, I managed to usher in the new year with some clarity but lost my voice on 6th January (Wednesday). This time, I had to take a day off work to see the doctor and rest. The medicines now included anti-inflammatory tablets, cold tablets and cough mixture, Dhaseyl. However, the cough got worse over the next 2 days and I went back to the clinic on 8th January (Friday). The doctor changed the cough medicine to Fedac. He assured me I would get better before the weekend was over.

Again, I did not. I went back to the same clinic on 11th January (Monday) after work. This time, another course of antibiotics was introduced with a stronger cough mixture. But the cough became worse, particularly at night. I was getting desperate because my lungs seemed to be on the verge of explosion every I coughed.

Finally, I took some time off work today to see another doctor in a remote part of the island. He is reputed to be very good at curing coughs. Okay, let me try it out. I have just taken my 2nd dose of medicine and the cough seems to be letting up somewhat but the nose is still runny.

With excellent bedside manners, the doctor had insisted that I take 2 days of medical leave although I had tried to bargain for just one day as there was really too much work to clear. He was adamant and said that since I had been coughing for 3 weeks, it might lapse into pneumonia if I did not rest well to recover completely.

In a way, I'm glad I'm 'forced' to rest at home. Work never ends and if I continue to push myself despite being sick, I will never recover well. I guess I will now just learn to just snooze the next 2 days away!

Twenty Ten - New Year, New Hope

I had wanted to attend New Year's Day mass at IHM but I couldn't find any indication of mass time from its website last night. What if I went there and there was no mass? Or perhaps I could go to St Anne's 8am mass but I prefer the worship environment at IHM. A little tarry here; little indecision there......... I ended up over-sleeping well into the new year. Another "spirit is willing but flesh is weak" scenario? I can't start the new year on such frivolous resolve, can I? No, I must make it a point to attend tomorrow's morning mass.

2009 has been a challenging year for me. Plucked from comfort zone and being thrown into new territory at work has zapped me of my energy, time and spirit. In addition to unrealistic targets and KPI, I have to unravel the backlog from the past year. Staff management is already challenging on its own but couple it with 25 ladies of different age groups (from 20 to 64), mindsets and educational levels; I feel like walking out the door on some days and never come back. Someone else can have the hot seat. Thank you very much.

I know why I was picked for the job. I do not think I am better than my peers but I have been known to be resilient. In the macro scheme of things, that's great for the company. But privately, who knows how I struggle with time management for my family and on a personal level? But I must count my blessings too. I have a good superior who listens to my gripes and woes on some days. I have generally good support from the staff although there are some black sheep to keep me on my toes and not get too complacent.

In 2010, I resolve to be positive and treasure my relationships more, whether spiritual, personal or official. There might be organisational changes within the year but whatever it is, I shall stay focused on finishing my course by March and doing the best I can. However, before I can embark on the aforementioned resolution, it is often said that we can't seriously seek God from the comfort of the armchair but on the knees. I shall start by rousing myself from lazy slumber tomorrow morning and attend the 6am mass!