Out, You Offensive Heels!!!!!

My 11-year-old son had been threatening to throw all my high heels away and finally did so yesterday. He read it on some newspaper that prolonged use of high heels can cause problems from hammer toes, bunions to irreversible damage to leg tendons.

But every woman should have a basic pair of high heels, right? These heels (killer heels, no doubt) that make us look oh-so-glamorous, first became popular in the 30s although they were more suited for special occasions. Today, a pair of heels is practically de rigueur for any woman worth her salt.

Yes, I know. Research has shown that a third of women who wear high heels injure themselves while falling in their heels. The posture is also compromised when the whole body is thrown out of alignment as the heels are forced to be higher than the toes. Many women suffer a shortening of the tendon because the upward tilt of the heel tightens the tendons and they become stretched and painful.

With such strong medical reasons, can I blame him for exercising tough love on me? He'd been at my back the past month but did I listen? No, I just brushed him aside and continued wearing my heels everyday. All because I was used to the high-heeled look and woe to me if I had to walk down Raffles Place with flats!

Despite his month-long nagging, I was shocked to see that my shoe rack was swept clean of heels this morning. Did he really throw away my Nine West, Charles & Keith and some other cute heels with equally cute sounding names? I made a lot of noise and complained that I had to spend money on new shoes now. He just shrugged and said it was better to spend money on new flats (key word: flats) then go for medical treatment in later years.

I couldn't believe it but I was touched. Okay, a compromise was then made. He admitted he did not throw them away after all (PHEW!) but would safe-keep them for now. I would be given a week to sort myself out and get decent walking shoes although I would still be allowed to wear those heels once in a while.

Now, who's the parent and who's the child here?

Mathematics and Me

I just found out an undeniable truth. It is sad but so totally indisputable because it has been proven beyond a shadow of doubt. My mathematical abilities are only of primary 3 standard. That realization would send a lot of adults into a tizzy and perhaps vehement denial but it just confirms what I'd known about myself all along.

Since my child started primary school, I've been the one guiding him in his homework and revisions. Primary 1 maths was easy enough. So was primary 2. Last year posed a little more challenge but hey, I managed to solve all the questions with a little aid from teaching resources and answer guides <(sneaky giggles)>.

Yesterday was a day of reckoning. There were at least 3 questions that befuddled me. Why do they set such mind-boggling questions?? I grumbled more than once as I gnawed the end of my pencil to a messy stump. Not a pretty sight. My boy just raised his left eyebrow at me and shrugged as if to say, "You tell me. You've been through the same education system."

Yes, I have. The whole nine yards, in fact. But I do not recall my primary 4 questions being so tough. That said, it's also true that I'd always been a typical 'Arts' student: more comfortable with the likes of Charles Dickens, Shakespeare and Robert Browning than anything with digits or formulas.

I was even advised by my Maths lecturer to drop the subject at A levels. He said I should just concentrate on my strong subjects and not 'waste time' trying to figure out Sine, Cosine, Tangent and Cosecant. So much for motivation and encouragement. But I forgive you, Mr Seah. You only meant well.

Okay, back to the mind-boggling questions. I managed to make sense of the other two but this one really takes the cake.

When Peter is 10 years old, his father is 4 times as old. How old will Peter be when his father is 3 times as old as he is? The answer should be 15 years old but for the life of me, I can't figure out why or how? Is there anything wrong with Peter's father? Or the question?

It's probably just me. Sigh!

To cane or not to cane?

When I was a new mum still trying to make sense of diapering, feeding, burping and rocking my little infant, my aunt shared this edification with me. She said that children are a gift from God. We as parents never truly 'own' them; we are merely stewards of these little ones.

There are many definitions and areas of "stewardship" but the general one is of "the careful and responsible management of something entrusted to one's care". How do we ensure our children are brought up carefully and responsibly without spoiling them?

An article in Sunday Times (11 Jan 09) and AsiaOne.com (13 Jan 09) talks about caning children and whether it is "a good way to punish kids". It reports parents who resort to the cane and have reaped benefits from it. On the other end of the spectrum, there are many parents who do not believe in the cane.

A quote from the article:

"But the signs are that things are changing, as more parents shun caning for a more communicative way of disciplining. Nearly half of the parents polled by Sunday Times do not cane their children."

I have caned my child a sum total of 3 times. I remember them vividly because I do not favour the cane. I use it only when I really need to enforce a certain discipline after rationalisation, reinforcement, timeout and swatting his behind with my hand fail.

The first 2 times I caned him, I had prepared him for it and swatted his palm twice. Each time I caned him, I followed it up with a reconciliation and discussion on the issue of misbehaviour after the dust settled.

However, the third time happened two years ago when I lost my cool and gave him some huge red welts at his elbow area. That caning session left a deep impression on me. It made me realise how adults can lose control in the fit of fury and not be able to gauge the level of pain inflicted. At the risk of sounding like a wimp, it does hurt me to cane my child. My mother used to say that she felt the pain in her heart whenever she caned us but I never believed it. In my finite thinking as a child, I wondered how that was possible. Now I know better.

No parent wants to intentionally hurt his child. Some do it out of frustrations from life, some out of their own childhood experiences, some do it because they believe corporal punishment works and some do it at the spur of that heated moment.

But to whip out the cane for every misbehaviour can do more harm than good. The child ends up living in fear and thinking that violence is the way to go. What's worse is that he might grow immune to it and become more rebellious. I remember a secondary school mate who boasted that she could just stand there and withstand the cane until her mother collapsed in exhaustion.

Of course, there are parents on the other end who do not even reprimand their children. They adopt the "talk till you drop" method and basically give their children free reign in whatever they wish to do. We just have to flip the newspapers to find out how rambunctious and audacious some of our young are today.

My child attends an all-boy school. By all accounts, it is a great school. But we can't control whom he mixes with and the boys are really an assorted bunch - as varied as watercolours on a palette. My child now talks to me thus "When are we going swimming, sia?", "Mummy, my Chinese book's dog-eared, sia." or "This omelette's good, sia." Gosh! When did I become a "sia" and what on earth is a "sia"?? I later found out that it's a popular lingo among the boys these days.

I believe that when God makes you a steward, he will give you the grace to fulfil your duty. Discipline should be balanced and prayerful. Nothing works more than wonders than a parent praying continuously for his child.

I thank God my own mum is doing that for me everyday. She doesn't have to tell me. I know it in my heart.